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Advice Kills Dreams.
People love to give advice. Coaches. Parents. People on the internet. Everyone is eager to share their opinion about your life, often pushing their beliefs onto you. This is dangerous.
My college coach crushed my dreams on an ordinary day, after a regular workout:
“You don’t realize how hard it is to make the NBA; you don’t have the size or athleticism.”
He knew how badly I wanted to play in the League. But he didn’t believe it was possible. Maybe he didn’t want me to face the same disappointment he had—after playing college ball, going to Europe, and giving up after two years. Who knows why he said it? But I will never forget it.
My mind was young and impressionable. I believed him. That night, I didn’t even eat dinner. Defeated.
As my high school and college careers progressed, my NBA dream slowly faded. I didn’t believe I could make it anymore. Why? My coach had cast a spell on me.
The Magic of Words
This concept is beautifully explained in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
“The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human.”
Words are so powerful they can be described as magic. Magic, by definition, is the ability to influence the external world with forces we can’t fully explain. Words have that power—to shape beliefs, transform actions, and alter futures.
My coach told me I couldn’t play in the NBA. I believed him. That single sentence changed how I walked, talked, and played. One sentence changed the outcome of my future.
This is magic.
When we speak to ourselves or others, we cast spells. And these spells can shape reality.
The Pygmalion Effect
The 1968 study on the Pygmalion Effect illustrates the profound power of words. Teachers were told that random children in their class were “intellectual bloomers.” This belief changed how the teachers spoke and interacted with those students. Over time, those children performed better academically than their peers. This performance even extended into high school.
One sentence—“These children are intellectual bloomers”—changed their lives. That is magic.
The opposite is also true. Words can kill dreams.
Dr. Bruce Lipton’s The Biology of Belief discusses the “death clock” myth. In Indigenous tribes, people often succumbed to death after being cursed or told they would die on a specific date. Belief in the curse caused them to die in unexplainable ways. That is an evil spell.
The Spells We Cast
A parent yells at their child: “Shut up; your voice is giving me a headache.” The child internalizes this message. For the rest of their life, they’re ashamed to sing or speak loudly. This parent unknowingly cast a spell that will last decades.
My college coach didn’t realize the spell he put on me. “You’re not good enough for the NBA.” I believed him. This shaped how I thought and acted, turning me into a shell of myself.
Worse, I began casting spells on myself:
“I am too slow for the NBA.”
“I am not a confident player.”
“I am not good enough.”
These thoughts spiraled, destroying my confidence and my college career. But here’s the good news:
How I Broke the Spell
Seven years later, I’m living my dream, playing for the Houston Rockets. How did I turn things around?
First, I found people who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself: my wife, my mum, my brother, Joey Wright, and others. Their belief in me created new spells that reshaped my world.
Second, I learned to deflect harmful spells and consciously cast my own. This is where mindfulness became my superpower.
Mindfulness: The Ultimate Magic
Mindfulness does two things:
Builds Awareness
Guides Attention
We build awareness by observing our thoughts. In meditation, this is called being the observer. Imagine observing your thoughts like a loving parent watching their child—curious, open, and kind.
Your mind in the present moment is like a clear blue sky. Thoughts are the clouds that pass by. At first, this practice can be frustrating. Some days the sky is stormy; other days, it’s calm. But with practice, kindness, and compassion, the sky becomes so beautiful.
I began meditating for 10 minutes a day. I noticed patterns of negative thoughts and beliefs I never knew I held. This awareness spilt into my daily life. I started catching myself:
During workouts, I noticed when I put myself down.
Walking down the street, I noticed when I judged someone.
When I spoke, I noticed the words I used.
With awareness comes the power to change.
Attention and Intention
Where your attention goes, your energy flows. For years, my attention was trapped in the spells my coach cast on me. Every missed shot, every failure seemed to confirm his words: “You’re not good enough.”
But mindfulness helped me shift my attention to the present moment. Whether it was my breath, a sound, or a new thought, I redirected my focus. This broke the cycle of negative thoughts and allowed me to create new spells:
“I am fast and strong.”
“I am a confident player.”
“I am good enough.”
Real-Time Transformation
Here’s how it looks in real-time:
I’m guarding a great player. He beats me and scores. A thought shoots into my mind: “I am too slow.”
Because of my practice, I notice the thought. I acknowledge it. Then, I move my attention to the present moment. I might use an affirmation, hit a power stance, or focus on the next play. This breaks the pattern and moves me forward with intention.
Create Your Reality
Words shape beliefs. Beliefs create reality. If you feel trapped by negative cycles, start with awareness. Observe your thoughts without judgment. Once you notice limiting beliefs, consciously choose new ones.
Destroy the old spells. Create your own magic.